Know Why We are Persecuting You, Please! by... Pius Adesanmi

I just heard with one ear that FFK has claimed that he is being persecuted because he is a Christian. I got this one wrong. I had thought he would claim persecution because he is Yoruba. I guess he has spent too long in the trenches of Biafra to be able to successfully claim the Yoruba persecution thingy so he goes for religion.

Here is the deal: if you are undergoing degoatification and you want to claim persecution on account of your Christian faith, at least ensure that EFCC can trace part of your loot to your tithe. We want to know that you stole and built a Church, bought land for your Pastor and his wife in Lekki, sponsored your Pastor and his wife on an all expenses paid vacation in Dubai, sponsored your Pastor's birthday in the Caribbean, bought or contributed substantially to the purchase of your Pastor's private jet.

If you did these things with part of your loot and you claim persecution because you are a Christian, it won't pain us too much. We will just ensure that you get your day in court and that your ass rots in jail after due process.

As for you FFK, we do not have any of these standard Christian acts of Nigerian Christian looters and their receiving Pastors on your CV. Those who stole and did these things for their Pastors and Churches have not claimed religious persecution. Even Ekweremadu, who built an entire Church two years ago from his own haul, has not remembered to claim persecution on account of his faith. He is wielding ethnicity.

You, FFK, stole and bought a Range Rover for your girlfriend and you are claiming that we are persecuting you on account of your faith? Shior!

Go and rephrase your argument and claim that we are persecuting you on account of shining expensive Congo with your own share of Dasuki while the Christians among the robbers were paying tithe, building churches and doing things that are marvelous in the eyes of the Lord.

If you say we are persecuting you because you shined Congo expensively with our money that you stole, ehen, we shall say that you have point!